I was thinking recently about what Jannine Perryman of ADHD Wise UK said recently when we had been discussing how ADHD presents in one of the Parent/Carer sessions we deliver.
She explained, “Just because they’re not causing a problem, does not mean they’re not having a problem”.
It was in relation to how we perceive children (or adults) with ADHD. If people don’t look like they are struggling then we presume everything is okay. We all have brains and brains can do things to one extreme or another. The majority of brains do struggle with forgetfulness or being late from time to time. But when its chronic and pervasive that’s when it becomes an issue. When it’s a struggle to get from one moment to the next…we do indeed have a problem. It is usually ours, those with the condition, to solve.
But what if it’s just under that radar? What if it is just under that level that might constitute chronic and pervasive? Hidden, masked and under a layer of conformity?
I had an email from somebody yesterday who was devastated because her daughter has just been diagnosed with ADHD and as a parent, she was extremely upset because she didn’t do anything about the struggles her daughter faced in her younger years. This was partly due to there being no information about what ADHD actually is as well as seeing that her daughter was academically bright and ‘did well in school’ and therefore didn’t see there was an issue. As a society we monitor everything through academic achievement. Her daughter, now 30 years old, has been told she has ADHD after going through another process. Mum wants to understand more about it now. She wants to learn about it and good on her for wanting to understand.
Her daughter was a high achiever in school and therefore Mum didn’t think she was having a problem. Remembering here that Mum is doing her best with what she had at the time, how often are we missing those, simply because they are academic, and we can’t see they are not okay? This is the other side of ADHD. The side where people are not causing a problem, so there is not problem. Then we assume everything is fine.
This needs to stop.
This is one of the reason’s diagnosis’ is required.
ADHD is indeed owning a different brain. It is only a problem when things go ‘wrong’. Granted, why ‘fix’ what is not ‘broken’? By that I mean the behaviour, not the human – we are very definitely not broken. My point is, ADHD is not the bouncy, irritating, odious snivelly stereotypical little boy getting on your wick every day, who by the way will be struggling as well, he’s just displaying it differently. It is also the sweet, generous, compliant, quiet child who does well, is academic and achieves.
Until they don’t.
Remember – “Just because they are not causing a problem, doesn’t mean they are not having a problem”.
It is never too late to learn about this condition. There is a lot in the news and a lot of misinformation. There is also a lot we still don’t know, and research is being conducted all the time. Resource yourself with the education you need from reputable sources.
Hat Full of Bees 